Imma stop playing Nawwww im serious. Imma stop playing with you I wont allow you to turn me on from the thought of you Pushing your buttons so that you can quiver and shake  Making me uncomfortable to even look at myself when we do it public  Having me moaning ever so loudly as i make you speed up I really gotta stop this  Naw im serious we gotta be done. When im out on the town its you i can wait to get to I forgo conversations and invites as soon as we begin  I can make you start but i cant make you stop This is no longer in my control  You sleep with me every night, tucked right under the covers I need someone real Someone that will call my name when im throwing back This shit is whack  Im tired of having threesomes just because your friends wanna join in  Naw im serious BOB you gotta go.

 I wanna desperately text you.  Asking can i sex you. Giving you a piece of me, hurting myself ever so purposely, every time i lower my pride and allow my fingers to send you a message. Putting all my powers in your hand because im tried of being lonely. Letting you gas me up lie after lie.  Sacrificing my dignity just so you will touch me.  Forgetting myself just so i could breathe you. Becoming mute to the feeling of ever being loved again. I really wanna meet someone of my own.  That loves and wants me. Imma just go home and hug my pillows.

I wanna become someone else. someone better someone nice. I would be a soft as cotton or as hard as stone. I could be your private dancer, or a thief in the night. Id pretend to be ya wife if you treat me right. Spoil me tease me ill be your sugar baby and suck on ya magic stick like its candy. I could be ya sandy cheeks while you go into my bikini bottoms. I can timeless and effortless seducing you scene adter scene.  Becoming your bestest fatansy.  Paying homage to the women in your dreams. Envoking them within me. I AM THEM Kissing you and teasing you differently every time that we meet. I wanna become someone else some one different.  Imma just become an Actress

I wanna lay up and cry pour out my soul to you. Tell you all my secrets, hopes and dreams. Tell you things not even my mama knows. Ripping all of myself apart just so you can get to know me. Displaying my heart up to you on a pedestal. Confessing that the way I feel about you is just too real.  See id change my cable plan just so we can watch sports together.  Id learn how to simmer down my temper just so I can think before I speak whenever we have an disagreement. I just wanna lay on your shoulder. Laying down are my burdens and lowering  down my walls that keep me heart guarded. Id even stop questioning why you always wanna do nice things for me. Ill accept them and be happy. Allowing myself to safely fall in to a whole other world when we make love. Not fucking, but exploring and dividing, conquering and seceding one another's body on a whole other level. Id be your angel when the world releases all of its devils to try to hurt you. Ill ro...

Ive eaten the same kind of cereal since i was young The one with the marshmallows and the grown little man that loves to run around and chase children  Ive eaten those for forever Not caring about all the things thats inside of it that can kill me i still continue to eat Ive smoked the same type of black in milds since i was fourteen. It was the Wine wood tip, then the jazz wood tips, engulfing my lungs with death each time that i enhaled. Ive been fucking the same guy for years now. The one that loves to call me when he ready, but busy when I need him. Pretending that he missed my phone calls and my texts, or saying that he thought he responded when we both know he never did. Picking at my flaws, dissecting me, using my insecurities as ammunition. Having me dancing in place as he shoots them right back at me. Ive been saying ill leave this guy that ive been fucking for years. The one that i get rid of my self respect for, the one that I second guess the righ...

Another day to make my words work in my favor. So ill just remain silent. Id hate to offend you with my version of saying Hello.

I signed me and jae up for a class on Wednesday that I am going to go to as long as I'm still living. Breathing, maintaining my lousy dead end job. Perverted patient, manic aggressive attitude, my dump bucket of a car that eases my anxiety everytime it gets me to and from any of my dump uncalculated impromptu destinations. I'll even be 20 minutes early on Wednesday as long as hell doesn't freeze over, trump doesn't succeed and build his wall. I dont win the power ball millions, my son father doesn't turn back straight, my exes finally admit that they wasnt shit, my brother finally does  go to therapy. I dont win 20 chess games in a day or I just dont over sleep. Shit I may have spoken to soon........... Ughhhh my son and I have therapy that day.

I really wanna be a poet I bet most of you didn't even know it.  That I'd lather play hopscotch with my words and bathe with the melodies from the rhyme schemes.  Doing long run on sentences with my thoughts Assaulting them blunty forcing them down on the paper Showing them that I'm the boss Apologizing just two minutes later saying that I'm sorry for all this Remembering that they are just the echoes of a fucked up lost victim or maybe, possibly, exactly the delusional rantings of a faceless woman inside the body of a Beautiful psycho bitch That would rather lay up with her teddies then lay up with a guy watch law and order marathons then to go out I'd rather be alone so I can be me than be people and not be free.